Instead of buying cucumbers as I promised myself yesterday, I visited the local Vitamin Shoppe (which can only be pronounced “shop-ee”) for more Fit n Crisp bars. While there, I picked up a couple of new protein treats so I could review them for you, loyal reader. Not so I could eat cookies in the name of science, I swear.
First up is Titan’s High Protein Cookie, Oatmeal Raisin flavor. The package promised “20g Protein” and 2 “Soft ‘n Chewy Cookies” with “Fresh Baked Taste” that’s “fresh from your oven!” Nutritional info on the back tells me that a serving size of ONE (1) cookie is 150 calories, 5 grams of fat, and 10 grams of protein. Half the protein I thought I was getting! (That big “20g Protein” on the front of the package is followed by very tiny “per pack” text.) Ah, well. For a fresh baked soft ‘n chewy fresh oatmeal raisin fresh cookie, that still sounds good, right?
Out of the package, the cookies somewhat resembled the photo on the package, and certainly looked like real cookies. They smelled pretty good too, and felt like soft cookies. But upon biting into them, the resemblance to a real cookie ended. They were definitely soft ‘n chewy – way too chewy. They had the consistency of a dense protein bar, and the cookie smell somehow did not translate into cookie taste. They weren’t repellant, but this will definitely not satisfy any cookie craving I might have.
On to Titan’s Peanut Butter cookie flavor! They looked good, felt a bit sticky, but smelled wonderful. “This is it!” I thought to myself. “This is going to be my new go-to peanut butter cookie!” It had about the same nutritional profile as the oatmeal raisin flavor and the same let-down once I actually tasted them. Actually, it was a much bigger let-down. Not only did the smell not translate into flavor, but the texture was so dense and chewy, if you squished it up you could form the brick of a standard protein bar (not even exaggerating here – I tried it). That’s not to say I’m not going to finish them off later. Because, hey, “cookies.”
Finally, for a bonus, I picked up a Questbar Natural Protein Bar, Chocolate Peanut Butter flavor. The packaging really sold it to me. While you might think it was the inexplicable photo of a flan/yellow cake with jimmies splashing into a puddle of hot chocolate, what actually got me was the nutritional facts on the back – 1 bar (the whole package, thank you very much) was only 160 calories, 5 grams of fat, and 20 grams of protein. Ah yes, the 20 I was looking for! It also has 17 grams of fiber, which I’m just now noticing. Maybe good to notice that before I down the whole thing in a sitting.
Out of the package, the Questbar looks like a log with occasional flecks of what I assume are peanuts. It has a faint chocolatey smell and very little flavor. If I closed my eyes and you told me the flavor was raspberry, I might believe you. The texture is very dense but not as sticky/chewy as the cookies, but it goes down fairly easily and doesn’t stick to your teeth. To give you more of an idea on the texture, propping it up for the photo like that did not take much effort, just as propping up blocks of clay would not take much effort. However, for 20 grams of portable protein in only 160 calories, I’d give it a thumbs up. While you probably won’t be craving it as a snack (which is maybe another good thing, actually), this product allows you to eat something called a “Questbar” which makes you sound like a dragon-slaying princess in a computer game.
What highly processed, artificially created snacks do you recommend? Have you noticed a trend of including “n” in snack names instead of “and” or “&”? How fresh is fresh baked fresh fresh oven fresh? Let me know in the comments!